


The Flight of Butterflies

by Lalanxiety



Series: Andromeda: Expedition [1]
Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel), The School for Good and Evil - Soman Chainani, Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Drama, F/M, Gen, Poetry, Psychological Drama, Romance, Teen Romance, Urban Fantasy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-16
Updated: 2020-02-06
Packaged: 2020-03-06 07:29:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 40
Words: 4,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18846439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lalanxiety/pseuds/Lalanxiety
Summary: When you feel lost,Do you depend on those with wings?Or the weight of the sky?Who will you turn to at times like these?Camelia's lost in love, magic, and her emotions. Read about how she navigates her way through crushes, villains, dreams, and collisions in the clouds. Can the butterflies help her through them all?





	1. Trying to Admire the View

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first project on AO3. I will also be posting fan fiction, but expect more poems from this poetry-novel weekly! (Or...bi-weekly, when I lose track of my schedule. Or really when I actually have time to do so.)  
> This story contains references from the fandoms listed above, but this also includes fantasy and comparisons to them, so...you'll see! :) I hope you enjoy it!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What does home really mean?

_**view (n.)** _

I was awake.  
it's just another day in this ordinary life.  
I had to get up up

to open the windows.  
there's a garden  
a field full of flowers--  
and a swarm of butterflies.

shut the window,  
or go outside?

I had asked myself.


	2. Sight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Am I seeing what I'm seeing?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The main character wears glasses! Well...occasionally.  
> I actually just got my prescription glasses yesterday. These poems are actually based off my real-life experiences (minus the fantastical parts), not that I'm entirely the protagonist here, but I thought I would share them to you all anyway.  
> EDIT (10/05/19)  
> I edited this chapter so that it would have a clearer plot to begin the novella! Enjoy!

_**lenses (n.)** _

 

I couldn't see anything at first.

All I saw were butterflies

blending into the darkness.

 _Has night fallen again_ , I had asked.

I put on my glasses,

and suddenly everything was clear again.

I had opened the windows once more,

But were my bifocals to blame?


	3. Solo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The nightmares had happened again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys! Sorry for the late upload. I just got back from a family weekend vacation. Enjoy! Now, this chapter is based off an Animal Crossing: Pocket Camp (haven't played it yet because it's not available where I'm from) meme that went viral in 2017.  
> EDIT (10/05/19)  
> Again, I made changes to another chapter to make a better beginning for the novella.  
> Also, in between this time I really began to write here on AO3, I had a nightmare about one of my best friends.  
> I just want you to be safe and sound, Dee.

_**lonely (adj.)** _

 

I saw Dean die in a dream.

I tried calling out--

but

_No one's around to help._

Those words struck me

Harder than the riffs of an MCR song.

I was alone

I didn't know where that boy was

He didn't have wings, too.


	4. Eight AM Class

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I found you.  
> Together, all eighteen of us were far from perfect.  
> But more than a blessing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Apologies for the delay...a lot of things came up, but at last, it's all over...  
> I'll try my best to write regularly. And post as much as I can.  
> This composition was written on July 18th and finished on the 21st.
> 
> (This one if for the friends I have made at...HAK. Thank you all so much for helping me make the most of my summer vacation--the last two weeks of them. From stormy, you brought back to sunshine into me.)

awake (adj.)

6 AM once again. Another sunny day, Saturday.  
Things have been different ever since.  
No more waking up at this time  
To get ready, debate over breakfast  
Pack up my things for the day  
Carry another book, and be sure to clean my glasses before leaving.

There was a time a storm cloud hovered above me  
For days  
The sound of the raging sea  
The fearful sight of a tornado  
A heart bound to stop at any moment  
All combined that made me look my worst.

And then, I had registered myself  
Signed up on the list;  
Seven days, ten hours.  
Was I prepared, had I constantly asked myself,  
“I didn’t want to be seen looking like this.”

At last, had come the day.  
June 23rd, I still haven’t dried my tears away.  
Would this help me? One last question in my head.

There I was, surrounded by seventeen different faces,  
Worried all at the same time to make our first impression.  
But we’re all something, aren’t we?  
Stardust, snowflake, raindrop…  
Each of us were unique.  
All eighteen of us.  
Let me tell you—with certainty—a little something about each of them.

The first day, four Crazy Rich Asians had surrounded me.  
Loud, wild, flexing off their money.  
Their laughter combined  
was a cacophony  
of dubstep music, lightning strikes, and a metal concert.  
But their bond was as strong  
As the perfect household.

There were two boys who barely knew each other  
But decided to team up and hang out next to the air conditioner anyway.  
A bunch of geniuses, living in their own world.

There was this odd “couple”—  
or at least one told us they were.  
Who constantly fought about food.  
Placing bets, attacking one another—  
They were really just instant friends in sync.

I had a seatmate  
whose smile was as lovely as snow.  
She had a love for K-POP  
And her intelligence was as bright  
As her eyes behind those glasses.

There was this boy  
Who was the “baby” of our batch.  
He was often late  
And even if he barely ate  
He was everyone’s little brother  
to be protected at all costs.

One of them, was the smartest of all.  
He has an accent that outsmarted everyone else’s.  
He was undefeated, his ultimate intelligence  
Lying behind that dashing smile.

There was a pretty one, whose name was  
only three letters long.  
And although her fear of cats got the most of me  
She was happy, simple, and she resembled one  
of my best friends I wish I had spent more  
time with.

There was an instant trio of girls—an artist, a fashion icon, and the wild one.  
When not laughing over a sample of a blue algae  
They were always there  
To make everyone’s day.  
After all, laughter is contagious.

And like all other groups, we had the sporty one  
who’d outsmart you in a race  
a lap, a run  
And a game of volleyball  
over a cup of creamed coffee.

Second to the last, was a boy  
whose determination, ambitiousness, and resilience I adored.  
When we joked around one day in a math class  
or talked about our love for Marvel  
I had felt  
he wanted to be a hero as much as I did  
To balance music, art, and literature  
and save the world—or even a life—one day.  
He has only begun writing another chapter—or verse—in his story.

And then there was me.  
The storm had cleared  
When I found myself in a new world  
that was far from perfect  
But more than a blessing.

Together, we rose  
and became a family  
unlike any other.  
The memories stored in the book given to us.

One look  
And everything—every smile, every face  
Comes back.


	5. Spider-Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have loved you in your darkest.  
> But did you ever love me back?
> 
> But...thank you...  
> I guess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (To M.M.)

respect (n.)

Something that’s earned.  
But did you ever show it to me?

That’s what I constantly wrote in my diary  
When I still had feelings for you.  
When I felt that this crush was dying out.

I didn’t realize that you were slowly becoming a jerk  
When you started ignoring my messages  
As you welcomed her into the group  
As you ghosted me half of my birthday party  
When I made you a special guest.

When you were suddenly becoming moody  
And getting angry for every time I got a Marvel character’s name wrong.  
Or when I kindly asked if you could share me a cookie  
But aggressively ate the entire thing in one bite.

When I wanted to borrow your comics  
But told me you were worried I would never give it back.  
When I showed you my songs and stories  
But only liked the line where I cursed.

But…  
It was in the past.  
I know you might not be the same  
sweet, caring, and friendly guy I fell in love with  
But…  
It was in the past.

You joined her in revolting against me  
For being a liar.  
A cheat.  
Plastic.  
Whore.  
But I did not force you to love me again.  
Because I realized we weren’t meant to be more than friends.

None of this was my fault.  
Perhaps it was just a careless crush.  
Perhaps I have been a little too selfish.  
And as I regained my confidence—  
my strength—

I calmly apologized to you through a long message  
Telling you—proving to you that I wasn’t the villain.  
That he shouldn’t have turned the situation the other way around

Telling you, that I’ve decided to reform myself—  
Begin another Renaissance  
Put my faith in Him  
And stay true to my roots.  
Be myself. Be more positive.

You replied an hour later—telling me you’ve realized your mistake.  
Telling me you were sorry too. For everything.  
But…  
Where do we go from here?

Now that we’re okay again…  
You’re turning sixteen tomorrow.  
Two more years and you’ll be an adult.

Happy birthday,  
Happy birthday  
To you.

I like who you are now.  
Matured, refined, a little more bookish.  
But will it stay?

Let’s find out,  
Spider-Man. Batman.


	6. Attraction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the kind of feeling you get when you meet someone whose got a notorious reputation yet at the same time, you feel so attracted to them.  
> He's trouble, but you still kind of want to get a little closer to him.

**attraction (n.)**

 

_ you will be _

_ the death of me. _


	7. Guard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new friend of mine's going through something too, trying to forget his past.  
> I want to help him.  
> We should help each other.

**shield (n.)**

 

Even protectors…

Protect each other, Jeremy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The name Jeremy was used instead to protect my friend's identity.


	8. You Need To Calm Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I might have been selfish in the past...  
> But it's all done now.  
> It's time for me to take back the throne,  
> Because it's where I'm meant to be on...

**calm (adj.)**

 

Taylor Swift said you need to calm down—

You’re being too loud.

So was I.

I need to calm down,

_ striving for the crown. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Taylor Swift's new era has really been inspiring me to write more and more.


	9. Breathing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I feel comfortable being around my new friend, Julian. It's like I can finally trust somebody again.

**breathe (v.)**

 

 

I can breathe comfortably around you

Knowing you won’t be judging me.


	10. PTSD

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seeing this girl's face will never make the fear in me disappear. She had hurt me so much over the summer that one look at her and I just get so much flashbacks.  
> Why are you STILL making it appear that I'm a MONSTER?

_**trauma (n.)** _

 

seeing your face

threatens me.

Seeing you walk by with your “new” friends,

Makes me feel and fear

You’d tell them to stay away from me,

That  _ I _ was the villain.

When I’ve never even done anything to them.

_ To you. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title, PTSD, stands for "post-traumatic stress disorder." Whether during childhood or growing up you witness an event in your life that has really shattered you or traumatized you, the thought, sight, or even the mention of it triggers you and this may lead to easy stress upon acquiring it. PTSD may also eventually lead to some mental illnesses such as anxiety, depression, or bipolar disorder especially if this one event has happened to you more than once.  
> I had recently just finished the semi-final of my academic writing/essay on mental health and common illnesses, and this inspired me to write a darker short poem based on my own personal experience.  
> Now, remember, if you are experiencing mental health problems (such as triggered memories or too much negativity on yourself), seek professional help.  
> Mental illness isn't a joke.


	11. Hide, Not Seek

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is it normal to be afraid of one person?

_**avoidance (n.)** _

 

You saw me.

I saw you.

You said hi.

I ran away,

Locked myself up in the bathroom

and cried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (This is a continuation of chapter 10.)  
> A few weeks ago, I ran into a bully from last summer during our lunch break in school. I already knew that I didn't want to talk to her, and she either. When she greeted me, instead of answering, I had freaked out and ran to the nearest bathroom and cried. Maybe to this day I'm still not ready to face her. I don't even want to hear her apologies. Sure, I had forgiven her but perhaps my heart has already hardened enough for her that I'm not ever running back to the old group--a.k.a. her little world now, as she has been labelled as my replacement (and a "fucking better" version of me, anyways we shared the same name and initials and looked so alike, who would tell us apart, right?)--anytime soon.


	12. Drinking Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stay within the course of reality even when it's the weekend, Jeremy.  
> Stop drinking or you'll end up hurt again.  
> I don't want to see that.

_**worried (adj.)** _

 

Jeremy, please stop doing things like that.

You’ll get hurt.

I don’t want you to get hurt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My new friend has had a history of drinking and smoking. Am I too naive, just because I've never tasted alcohol or whiskey, gotten into a relationship or smoked once in my life? While everyone's out there doing it at my age (16, 17), here I am, constantly worrying about other people's health.  
> When I should be worrying about my own instead.


	13. Visiting Crush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hearing his voice makes me smile.

_**sound (n.)** _

 

The sound of your voice

is the only melody

I want to hear.

 

A mix of nerdy, sarcastic

and just a hint of sweetness

is music to my ears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I watched a video from Psych2Go (check them out, really good channel) earlier related on attraction and it was stated that women are attracted to males with deep voices.  
> Puberty must have really hit my crush hard, then.


	14. Face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your face is something I think of almost every day.

_**smile (n.)** _

 

The smile on your face

Is the only rare gem I want to see.

It keeps me awake

 

To see when you laugh

Over  an embarrassing thing I said

Your presence pleases me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think Crush's smile is really cute. Sure, his face is kind of covered up with the zits now, but that won't last long. He's gotten a bit cute over the 2 years of our friendship and he especially got cuter when he stopped wearing his glasses.  
> I wonder if he wears contacts now. (But his eyesight's much like mine, right?) I should ask him when we have the time again.


	15. Speech Choir and Confusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We all just want to be perfect on our big day.

_**pressure (n.)** _

 

Our souls are messed up

Our heads, our health.

We’re all going in so many directions

What’s right, what’s wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Practice for a speech choir competition in our school has indeed been stressing us out lately. It's so hard to focus when you've got so many priorities, and when your mind's going in so many, different directions.
> 
> This might be the last chapter for now. I will be going on a hiatus for two weeks. Do stay tuned for more updates!


	16. Champions I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reverse psychology enters the picture and so does a new family.

**_foster (n.)_ **

 

A temporary family

but with memories that will last forever.

 

All of those days of hard work,

stress,

pressure,

and even injuries

Have just started to pay off.

 

Glory days come and go:

Like this one; the unexpected triumph

Washing over us

The waves as great as that of the sea.

 

This is only the beginning

of another chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! Well...from the very stressful midterms (I hate you, math.)  
> So, last week, we finally had our speech choir competition and somehow I guess our efforts really just paid off. I'm [still[ so happy that I got to share the glory with my class. Three months onto the school year and it's a nice yet strange [quite overwhelming, perhaps] feeling that I'm already comfortable with my classmates. Oh, and when I meant reverse psychology, we had actually joked around previously that our performance would be trashy...surprisingly, we ended up with a trophy. Hooray!


	17. Mock Debate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We weren't pretending anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for another long break. I was busy preparing for our big (?) debate. Now, the topic in this story might be somewhat similar to a falling-out relationship between you and your partner. Who's to blame? You, or them?

**_debate (n.)_ **

 

It was a game we played,

Choosing a topic to argue about.

But instead of discussing a controversial issue

our arguments turned into fights

It wasn’t a game of pretend anymore.


	18. Saving Xal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He's a lot younger than me, but I feel like history is repeating itself once again.

**_reverse (n.)_ **

 

I feel like history is continuing to repeat itself

An alternative pattern

Two years have passed and Tom has left.

I remember when I was in the ninth grade

and people joked to him about me,

When we were clearly just friends—

Guardian and student

Protector and Protectee

Brother and sister

Role-model and aspiree

Now two years into the present

As if Tom’s shadow lurks in me,

And my fifteen-year-old, 2017 spirit

Into the body of a boy named Xal:

Someone I’m tasked to protect with all my life

Just as much as Tom and Kit did with me—

My honorary brother and sister, respectively.

I’m on my own, struggling to protect Xal

Keep him away from all forms of danger

From  _ Her.  _ He’s been attacked once—

And I won’t let that happen again.

_ Even if there’s no tomorrow. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With great power comes great responsibility.
> 
> I'm dedicating this chapter to two boys--my then IRL Protector, M.V. and my Protectee now, K.P. This is when you know you're getting older and wiser. Maturity is coming at this point, and now it is your duty to guide someone new who really needs you. And you want the best for them, don't you?
> 
> Also, when I say "Protectee," it is my term used to define someone who is currently Protected--or under the wing and guidance of an older friend. It is a special kind of relationship that takes place throughout this story.


	19. Europe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Are you my happy accident?  
> Love is the scariest feeling in the world.

**_encounter (n.)_ **

 

Joined a group

Met a  _ special _ friend

Now we’re lovers

Having an online affair.

 

It was just a matter of coincidences

When you mistakenly sent me a goodnight text

And we got to know each other

Just under the right amount of seconds.

 

Why and when had you thought of

coming into my life—

when you’re from Europe,

And I’m from Asia?

And why had we chosen each other

And it’ll be our little secret

No one has to know about.

 

We can practice spells together

Cast them on each other

It’s just like magic.

And for now, I know it’ll be

Romantic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here, the main character (she/her) steps into the virtual world and meets somewhat the boy of her dreams. It's that feeling--that you're floating on air, and time suddenly stops and you stare into each other's eyes. Some would say it's dangerous, knowing you can't trust anyone these. Some would say, it's a gift, someone then coming into your life to be your missing puzzle piece.  
> But she's a sorceress. And he's an ordinary student. She's been branded as evil because of looks, and he as an honorable young man. What could possibly go wrong?


	20. Win or Lose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Expectations will always be crumbling when they turn out to be the opposite as the reality.

**_expectations (n.)_ **

 

That feeling when

_ You know you presented well _

With all the comments you got from your friends

But were they sincere enough?

Perhaps they just said those things

Because they’d know I’d feel bad

But I’m capable of accepting the truth

Even if it leads me to once again to do

the unthinkable.

But whether we did good or not—

It’s always better

That we have something

Rather than nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was it worth it?
> 
> Our debate had happened, and it was a mix of things planned and then mistakes later on. But what's just really important is that we overcame the pressure, stress, and the stakes thrown at us. And it's truly better than nothing at all. None of us--all 50 of us--looked like frauds out there. Not necessarily champions, but we're only starting now.


	21. Picking Sides

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have to be more careful next time.

**_accident (n.)_ **

 

When I felt that I messed up

I know it was an accident.

And I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.

The fact that your friends were mad at me

Reminded me again of that cruel summer

Wherein;

_ She _ was powerful enough to get me off the squad

So I had to save you

Before it was too late

And now I’m happy

That we’re okay again.

Because you understood my situation

And I understood yours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Being traumatized from a great event really leaves an impact in your life. You lose track of what you're doing whenever you witness or experience something that triggers your trauma.  
> This is for N.M. Be strong for me. For all of us. She wants you to especially recover and be happy, dear. :)


	22. What is This Love?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magic has brought us together.

**_syncing (v.)_ **

 

Whenever we talk

I can feel my heart beating fast.

And I get jumpy

And all the butterflies begin coming out

And sparks fly and magic’s auras surround us.

 

When we hug—

I can feel your heart racing, too.

Our hearts are beating us one

A continuous melody in sync.

A little symphony

We would wait to hear together.

 

I feel safe in your arms

Knowing you’ll protect me forever

Even if you don’t do wizardry nor magic like me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kind of like that feeling you get when you're truly, madly, and deeply in love with someone. :3


	23. Judgment Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for accepting me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On Tuesday, the first of October, we were grouped into circles of four, just to discuss our life story works. I think it went really well and the reassurance I got from my groupmates made me feel that things will finally be okay once again.  
> (I'm dedicating this chapter to D.F., N.A., and A.O.)

**_judge (v/n.)_ **

 

I knew soon enough I had to

come clean.

So that people would stop judging me

for my looks,

my personality.

 

Getting together into a little circle

during our Personal Development classes at first

intimidated me.

As we got grouped, I was hoping

I would get grouped with the “decent people.” I knew there were

still some out there.

 

After my friend—the son of my mother’s newfound best friend—had shared his life story,

I was next.

And I knew I had no other choice but to answer the question

“ _ Why are you here? _ ” myself.

 

And so I began my story, from the bullying I received since first grade

to my anxiety attacks when my high school life began.

 

“ _ What’s an achievement you’re most proud of? _ ” one asked.

“ _ I left a group that had abused me enough. _ ” I answered.

Back in my elementary days,

I was a troublemaker.

I was a cyclone—my acts of infamy revolving around my classmates

and even the teachers.

I was a growing storm at that point

wherein people grew to hate me.

But I knew

I couldn’t stay like that forever.

 

“ _ You were? I don’t see that in you now. _ ”

“ _ You’re right about the  _ _ bad guys _ _ leaving our school. I can see that _

_ you’ve grown from it. _

_ You’re more social now, _

_ the hate on you is fading _

_ and you’re happier now. _ ”

“ _ Whenever you speak, I look up to you _

_ because you try to be confident— _ ”

“ _ Despite your constant worry… _ ”

“ _ That’s what we like about you. You’re doing _

_ so well now! _ ”

 

I think I am, too.

I hope so.

 


	24. The Adventure of a Lifetime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Going places across the universe is even better when you're with the friends you have by your side.

**_trip (n.)_ **

 

It was another field trip,

A school affair.

I had two options on whether I should

Join in and make new memories

or miss out on all the fun.

 

Last year’s was a bit of a mistake and a memory

Spending time with all the wrong people

Yet somehow remembering how much fun we’ve all had

 

So I did say yes to this one

And I knew there was no turning back

As soon as my mother paid for my ticket

And right when I boarded the bus with my three of my friends on that momentous day.

 

New memories were made:

As Khalen jokingly woke me up from time to time

Or when Terra was so eager for some fries

Or when Val wanted to join in on the vlogging Terra and I did.

 

When we got our shoes dirty

When we awed ourselves over birdwatching

Or tasting water straight from a bamboo stick

 

When we played some games—

And even if I was separated from them and our team never scored a win—

We all still had fun in the end,

Bonding with one another.

 

As we went through a supermarket like in a maze

And bumped into familiar faces.

 

How I stopped Khalen from buying so much sparkling grape juice with his tenth grader friends

How I had a secret meet-up with Xal

How my cousin Rain followed me around like a sweet little child—

 

It was an adventure different from last year’s.

As it ended with a karaoke night on the bus,

Khalen and Terra taking turns on the mic

And me talking to the love of my life and my best friend both from the other side of the universe…

 

Another unforgettable journey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fantasy wasn't much incorporated in this chapter, but here you go.
> 
> Happy Halloween, everyone! Sorry for not updating in a while. I've once again been so busy with school work these past weeks, actually even right now while we're on our semestral break, hahaha. But I thought of stopping by here once again.  
> We've had our school field trip last week and the events inspired me to write another poem. Only it's really late.  
> I might--MIGHT--publish another poem over the weekend. There's like...a 60.4% probability of it, haha. Stay tuned, anyway! Enjoy! <3  
> May November be another month filled with blessings, surprises, and good memories!


	25. Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know yours but you do not know mine.

**_hidden (adj.)_ **

 

 

You don’t know me

like I know you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the feeling of suddenly trusting someone you know you...shouldn't.  
> It's like a forbidden friendship coming to life.  
> Yet you know you have to stay away.  
> Stay away.
> 
> (A/N: Hey guys! Sorry again for the super-late upload...this month of November has been really hectic for me, and will still be up until the first week of December, but hey, I didn't forget to drop by here and at least post something. So enjoy!)


	26. Secrets II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I can't stop looking at you.  
> This has to stop.  
> You will be the death of me.

**_distraction (n.)_ **

 

I can’t look both ways

Even if I wanted to.

I don’t belong in anyone’s worlds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Can't look away..."  
> This is the part where your distraction and lingering feelings become worse and more intense; a new fire is starting and you can't seem to put it out.


	27. He Forgot To Say Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why'd you leave all of a sudden?

**_loss (n.)_ **

 

You forgot to say goodbye

Now there are tears in Mama’s eyes.

 

You were her brother, her protector—

You did everything together—

But why did it have to be so soon?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two weeks ago, my mother has recently just lost her older brother to a stroke. He never had said a proper goodbye, and it was quite a while since they last talked...  
> This one's for my uncle.


	28. Acceptance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time to move on. Thank you for the memories, uncle.

**_afterlife (n.)_ **

 

It looks like you’re going to Him now

Reunited with your mother—the one I’ve never met

But Mom always told me stories about her.

 

Take care of the rest, okay uncle?

Mom’s going to miss you. Your brothers will, too.

Ashes to ashes

But they all rise up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is in contrast to the previous chapter!  
> Thank you for everything, uncle.


	29. Liar, Liar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This fire can't stop burning.  
> So am I.  
> And this needs to stop.

**_burn (n.)_ **

 

I can’t stop looking at you

Talking to you

Imagining myself being in your arms

Yet you keep on tempting me to—

When I know I belong with someone else.

 

I have to stop.

Get too close and I don’t know what I’ll do to myself.

I may riot,

I may rebel.

I may start another fire,

You damn, _damn_ , so-good liar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt inspired by one of Camila Cabello's 2019 songs, "Liar," after recently catching so much of the feels for a friend...you know you can't be with...  
> Because it'll be a dangerous affair...


	30. Perfect Illusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What Adonix and I perhaps wasn't love after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The main character, who I'm finally going to give a name to after over half the year in making, will now be called Camelia. I was thinking of making this poem-story a bit less personal, but most events will still continue to be based off some of my experiences.  
> In this chapter, Camelia learns, after ending her brief affair with the young spellcaster Adonix, that they're not meant to be after all. It was just puppy love.

**_spell (n.)_ **

 

_ It wasn’t love, it wasn’t love, _

_ It was a perfect illusion. _

That’s one of my favorite songs by Lady Gaga, Adonix.

 

Perhaps what we had wasn’t true love after all.

Perhaps it was just a spell you cast on me.

 

The magic wore off

But the memories remain.

And I’m still grateful that you’re my Wild Card.

Hope you’re doing well,

Don’t let the flames run you out.


	31. Cloud Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You were there for me, Julian, when Adonix was...what? where did he go?

**_waves (n.)_ **

 

You’re different, aren’t you, Julian?

You’re nothing compared to Adonix.

When I’m with you, I feel at peace.

The sound of your voice calms me down—

Calms down my raging sea of problems

Turning them into the peaceful waves pulled

by the tides of the moon.

 

And I see the moon in your eyes

Knowing that I’ll be safe with just one look,

You told me “He didn’t return what you needed”

And you’re right.

Because you’re returning them

And I’ve never felt happier with you—

Like we’re on cloud nine together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Camelia's head over heels for Julian now. And so is he. But somehow, she's still in denial for what they're both feeling...


	32. The Gift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kindness and generosity are gifts. And I'm happy to be sharing these with the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Camelia takes part in a charity program. It's one of the best things she's ever experienced. Well, asides from finding love with Julian. Hahaha.

**_generosity (n.)_ **

  
  


The gift of giving—

The kindness shared,

Even as random acts.

 

The food we served

was simply spaghetti, toasted buttered bread, and hotdogs

But it was a favorite to everyone

especially to the kids.

 

We let them play all kinds of games

to win prizes to fill up their room

with preloved toys we know they’ll soon love

And memories they won’t forget

As they get older.

 

It only lasted three-and-a-half hours

But it was worth for us

To make memories

As half a batch.

 

Because we lived to give.


	33. Playing the Victim

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just when I thought everything was perfectly planned out.  
> Guess it wasn't.  
> Where did I suddenly go wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is what happens when you're too engrossed with the feeling of happiness, that little did you know that something would come crashing down later on.  
> Camelia narrates this exact feeling.

**_accuse (v.)_ **

 

When I had fallen into a state of panic,

so did everyone else.

But what I felt,

Wasn’t the same as what they felt.

When I felt betrayed,

They were angered.

 

And then I was accused.

The played the victim

and soon a lot of people were

against me.

 

It’s my **cruel summer** all over again.


	34. Not Guilty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I didn't start this feud.  
> I am not a monster.  
> I don't WANT to be a monster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you know who's right, and who's wrong, then you have to fight for what's right. Camelia knows she's not the enemy to be blamed. She has to stay strong. For her parents, best friends and allies, for Julian.

**_justice (n.)_ **

 

I was cutting again.

But Mama and Papa found me,

And they saw dead butterflies all around me.

Mama asked me if I was okay.

It was time I had to be more honest,

For her, for Papa.

For Julian.

 

Julian was counting on me to stay strong for him

But I had almost failed.

Mama and Papa were crying.

And so I told them about the wicked witches that were after me, the villains who were trying to turn

everything around.

 

If I was the villain, where would these butterflies go?

“ _I’m sorry I killed you all._ ” I said as I cried, holding the beautiful blue winged creatures on my hand.

If I was the villain, would Julian still be alive?

 

The pills were gone, and so were my friends.

They felt like outcasts because of our differences,

But I came to them.

Now I’m the outcast.

 

Toxicity will ruin us all.

I don’t want to be the puppet anymore.

 

Your Honor, I am **Not Guilty**.


	35. Not Guilty II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The world is such a cruel place to live in nowadays...  
> But I have to keep reminding myself that there are still a few people out there who still care for me, no matter what.  
> I need to and have to stay strong for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: This will be my last chapter before I go on a weeklong break. I will be back by New Year's. Again, I'm sorry I haven't published in a month, November was especially hectic. Happy Holidays to everyone! Sorry if the last three chapters are lowkey really dark...)
> 
> Fight for your rights, Camelia.
> 
> (A/N #2: Kit--who's a girl btw--, Tom, Dean, and Mav are her four best friends, Uh, Kit is the only girl. xD)

**_determination (n.)_ **

 

I don’t care how much you want from me,

Whether it would cost me hundreds, thousands, millions…

Even my soul.

Even my  **life** .

 

The butterflies told me to come back.

My own fuel? Julian? Mama? Papa? Kit, Tom, Dean, and Mav?

So I did.

And we’re going to make things right.

 

Your Honor, I am Not Guilty!


	36. Detention

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We're feuding but we both have   
> one thing in common.  
> We have to get out of here.  
> Together  
> that's the only way...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! It's me again, Lala. Happy 2020! I was supposed to write and publish here last week, but I was busy getting ready for New Year's and school.  
> Interpretation:  
> Cammie finds herself as well as her villains in a room where everyone is troubled, uneasy, and the only way for them to escape is to save one another...  
> This was inspired by a scene from Melanie Martinez's 2019 film, K-12.

**_escape (v.)_ **

 

When I wake up, my right arm is chained to the legs

of a table. I’m sitting on a chair

and this makes me think that I’m in class.

Then I look around me,

And see the same villains who tried

to put me in my place.

 

They are chained to their tables too

And even though they’ve hurt me

I wish I had a key

To unlock the lock of my chains

And unlock theirs, too.

 

Kelly gives me that evil stare again,

and goes,

_ “This is all your fault, Cammie.” _

 

We’re all stuck in the same room

Watching our own demons of the past

Haunt us

Possess us

I watch in terror as one of them

Possesses Kelly

And makes her shift around in her table

Nonstop, eyes diluting

Like she’s lost control.

 

I’m next,

As this one demon looks at me with familiarity.

It enters my body in a snap.

I start feeling dizzy,

Watching the others around me suffer too.

 

I let out a piercing scream--

**“SHUT UP!”** says the demon in me.

 

And everything goes black.


	37. Detention II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I must put on a show.  
> Even if I'm not in control.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is part two of the previous chapter. This was also inspired from Melanie Martinez's "K-12" film, with the song of "Detention".  
> Interpretation:  
> Cammie's demon has completely took control of her body. It's a feeling you get when you know you suddenly lose awareness of your surroundings. Or worse, even what you're doing.
> 
> The finale for T.F.O.B. will be out before the end of January, so stay tuned!  
> Cammie's journey is coming to an end...but is she prepared?

**_countenance (n.)_ **

 

 I wake up again, without knowing long

I have been asleep.

I’m inside a glass cage,

And outside are Kelly and the others

watching me from up close like a zoo animal

Throwing food, papers,

and cheering and booing loudly.

 

Must I put on a show?

I look down and notice that I’m wearing

a ballerina costume, with my long, brown hair

Tied into pigtails.

 

And suddenly,

I’m not anymore in control of my own body

Like puppet strings are tied to me.

 

I’m dancing and twirling

Doing splits and high jumps

 

I dance and I dance

Until there is nothing left in me.


	38. Help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> where am I?  
> why are they here?  
> what's left of me?  
> Oh Kit, Tom.....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> True friends will be there for you even in your darkest times.
> 
> I'm sorry I haven't uploaded in weeks again :< I was busy with projects and midterms again...and I promised I'd finish this story by the end of January! Oh well...

**_falling (v.)_ **

 

I’m falling.

I don’t know where I’ll land.

But I see two pairs of hands,

Reaching for mine.

I see two familiar faces, two angels,

And I jump right onto both of their arms.

 

“Kit.” I cry.

“Tom,” I sob.

My honorary older brother and sister

wrap me in their embrace.

 

“Where am I?” I ask them.

“Where you’ll be safe.” Tom responds.

“But why?”

“The world is a cruel place to live in,

But evil must not consume a hero

like you.”

“But why me? Am I the Chosen One?”

I am a mess. Why me?

 

“Because true beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.” Kit says.

 

And then I wake up.


	39. Julian's Letter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All I needed was his reassurance to feel safe again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cammie's sweet lover just wants to protect her. So do her best friends Kit, Tom, Dean, and Mave.
> 
> Cammie's story is almost coming to an end...

**_safety (n.)_ **

 

When I wake up,

I don’t feel any pain.

But...something is missing.

 

_ Am I dead? _

 

I look at the framed photograph, broken on the floor.

It’s a portrait--an old class photo from ‘17.

I spot a familiar face. Instead of thinking about

what had happened

or where I was--

I smile.

Thinking of the good we had instead

And how I’ve become stronger.

 

I look outside my window.

The scenery has changed.

Instead of seeing pale blue butterflies like I did before…

I see golden butterflies, fluttering gracefully in several directions.

 

Then, as I stand on the balcony, I see  _ him _ .

Julian, smiling and waving at me,

his black trench coat’s ends swaying under that wind.

 

“Cammie!” he calls out.

I rub my eyes gently, knowing that they hurt from

crying in...that sleep I had. All those episodes?

“Hey…” I respond to him. “Isn’t it hot out?”

“Trust me, hun. I’ll survive.”

He winks at me before waving off his black cape

and disappears in a flash,

leaving somewhat two playing cards and a pink envelope.

 

I run downstairs to examine what he’s left.

The two playing cards: the first being the  _ King of Spades _ and the second

as two of spades.

And inside the envelope is simply a note,

That reads:

“You’ll be safe starting today, my Queen. Your friends and

I will make sure of that.”

 

I tear up and smile,

Hugging the letter and cards to my chest,

as the swarm of golden butterflies surround me.


	40. An Ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wounds heal faster than scars.  
> But scars aren't permanent.
> 
> They just take longer to heal.
> 
> The small town of Cantora drifts farther and farther away as we sail to Vesuvia, leaving the past behind.  
> Stepping into the future.

**_scar (n.)_ **

 

It was my last day today in the Ace Academy.

I decided to leave my old life there behind.

Whatever mark I carved whether a scar or not,

it’s just there.

 

As I pick up my school student files,

someone’s stopping me in my tracks.

“Hey you.” I turn around. “Camelia.”

It’s Kelly.

But I’m no longer trembling in fear. She isn’t either.

“You’re leaving?” she asks with her arms crossed.

“Yeah,” I reply, smiling.

“Be safe.” she doesn’t smile back,

but there’s sincerity in her voice.

 

And that’s when I know the storm has cleared up.

 

I know things won’t be the same as they were, but…

 

My family and plans on moving us to Vesuvia, anyway.

Julian lives there, so now we can be together, too.

And so do my other friends, my League.

Well, except Dean. But he has a lot to learn.

 

“Are you ready?” Julian asks me as I hop aboard our ship,

_ The Youngblood _ .

Dean, KIt, Tom, and Mave and my family are with us, too.

 

“I am,” I smile back at Julian. “Also, why dressed

up like that? You’re not a pirate--Mave is!”

“I am too, darling.” he gives me that wicked smile-smirk again. “You just have to wait and see,

Queen of Hearts.” he slides a playing card onto my hand.  _ Queen of Hearts?  _ It matches with the card he’s given me, too.

 

“You’ll find out soon, Cammie!” KIt giggles as Mave

starts sailing the ship.

 

I didn’t run away from my problems.

I let them heal.

And whatever dreams I have fallen into,

Or for how long I’ve been asleep…

 

The butterflies still flew with me.

They always will.

 

**THE END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The novel ends here!  
> OMG, I can't believe this took almost a year to write! It was really hard to come up with chapter ideas, which is why some of my real-life experiences gave me more ideas to build Camelia Allen's story.  
> She really isn't based on me, just her experiences.  
> Cammie's just a character I've created to put into my own fantasy universe. Well, mixed with some of my current fandoms.  
> But her story doesn't just end here. Where will she and her friends and allies head off to next?
> 
> Stay tuned for the second installment of Andromeda: Expedition!
> 
> Thank you so much for joining me on this adventure. I know some of the chapters aren't concise and correlated to each other, but that was because I started off T.F.O.B originally as a collection of poems, not a novel in poems.  
> I promise you, the next story will be better.
> 
> I figured ending this first novel on the night before my 18th birthday, after all, writing this entire novel really made me realize my own mistakes and flaws in the past.
> 
> And I'm willing to change. Not for everyone else.  
> But to be a better version of myself that even I will learn to love one day.
> 
> Yours truly,  
> Lala Chua


End file.
